Gastromayanosis: The Three Ws.

The night before I flew to New York to visit Maya, I went to Ragorama to find a pair of jeans that weren’t so snug up top. When I returned, I was tempted to go again, to get another pair of jeans. I think that there was something in the cabin pressure on the return flight that made my new jeans shrink a little. Definitely the cabin pressure. Not the pork bellies. Definitely not the pork bellies.

Let me explain how my trips to New York work. I do little to no research, have no idea where I am geographically within the city and pretty much count on a little overindulgence. It’s taken me a few years to learn that with Maya, we eat the extra course. The reason I don’t research is because I don’t have to. Maya keeps a moleskin, organized by boroughs, of restaurants she wants to try. In this trip, we went to seven places, including two of her favorites and one that she was looking to give a second chance.

I want to warn you, dear readers, that it takes strategy to fit seven meals with Maya into three days. This is something that only a professional should attempt, and not without the proper equipment (loose-fitting clothing and a credit card with a limit). I have a graduate degree in Gastromayanosis, but I’m willing to share the first lesson in the topic: Water, Wine and Walking.

Water, Wine and Walking are the three things you need in order trick your stomach into thinking it needs the extra course that Maya will order while you’re in the restroom. Water hydrates and makes you think that you’re being healthy. Wine, it’s a proven fact, makes you hungry. If you’re still full from the last meal, stop by a wine bar and have a glass or two. By the time you’re finished, you’ll be peckish, if not starving. Finally, if you’re going to eat with Maya, it’s best to walk from restaurant to restaurant, if possible. This allows you to kill some calories and to deceive yourself (once again) into thinking that what you’re doing is healthy.

Even with these tips, there will be repercussions. Your jeans won’t fit, your cash flow will be compromised and you’re likely to feel guilt. The psychology of eating with Maya is part of an advanced degree, so I’ll just say this: remind yourself that you only do this once in awhile and resume planning your next trip.

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2 thoughts on “Gastromayanosis: The Three Ws.

  1. Maya says:

    Waaaaaaaaah, wah wah. Go ahead, blame it all on me—I’m happy, once again, to be the scapegoat.

  2. marsha says:

    Oh Jill….so true!!

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